Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
