Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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