Grow some girl-balls and come out already
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
