Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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