he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
