I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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