Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
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