It's Friday. Sex?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
