It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize