i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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