I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You're like the curious george of whores
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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