tell your sister to shave her snatch
My balls are so social today.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
This house was built for laser tag.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
