btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
