just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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