there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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