Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
