(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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