Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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