operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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