Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
