i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
