He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
