I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize