i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
