you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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