The maid of honor just puked.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I queefed so loud it echoed.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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