It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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