This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
