just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
