i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
