I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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