So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize