I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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