The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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