New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
