someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
