i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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