i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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