he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize