they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
