I am puke
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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