filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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