you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
