Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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