Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
