textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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