TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
