Where is the hickey?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
