i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
