; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
