Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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