SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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