if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
