Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(516): View more from New York

Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites

(1-516): View more from New York

Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?

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(708): View more from Illinois

A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.

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(850): View more from Florida

Please dont jizz on my ds screen.

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(425): View more from Washington

couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school

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(615): View more from Tennessee

Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.

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(408): View more from California

Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.

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(253): View more from Washington

Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.

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(926): View more from

Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.

(415): View more from California

I thought you didnt have a dog??

(926): View more from

Exactly.

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