I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
