Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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