Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize