I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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