Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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