Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
My vagina just clenched in fear
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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