fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
