She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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