she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize