woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize