The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I did not marry a roomba.
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