I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Randomize
