if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
