I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize