They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
