I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
