How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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