so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
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