Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
