are you still at the devil's house?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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