im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
