Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
